Motorcycle Humor & Jokes | Laugh with Eagle Leather

The Needy Date

Jun 11, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Dating or Waiting? Melvin loved to dance. He took Amelia to the big Christmas party on his motorcycle. No sooner were they in the door when Amelia said, “I didn’t have a chance to eat supper. Could you bring me some of those little sandwiches from the buffet?” Melvin headed off to the buffet, where he waited in line for a good ten minutes, all the while itching to be on the dance floor. Finally, he brought Amelia her petite sandwiches. She finished them quickly and then said, “I’m still hungry. Did they have any cake at the buffet?” “Yes,” Melvin answered. “I’ll get you some cake.” Again he waited in line, and this time the line was twice as long. His patience was quickly coming to an end. He wanted to dance! He brought the cake back to Amelia and was getting more and more irritated as she nibbled delicately. And then she said, “I’m so thirsty, Melvin. Could you get me some punch, please?” And what do you know? There was no punch line.

Accidental Inventions

Feb 10, 2019 Damien Heenan

“Hey,” Joe asked, “Did you know that penicillin was discovered by accident? Seems Alexander Fleming was a messy guy. He leaves a dirty petri dish he was using to experiment on bacteria out on his lab table when he went on vacation for two weeks. He comes back and the dish was covered in bacteria—except where mold had grown. That mold was the source of penicillin.”

Do You Know What Time it is?

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Do You Know What Time it Is? It was just plain too cold to ride her motorcycle, so Claire decided to drive to the teacher’s convention. It was a long drive and Claire was getting drowsy, so she decided to pull over for a nap. She’d no more than dropped off to sleep when a jogger ran up. He rapped on her window and asked, “What time is it?” Claire answered, “It’s 7 o’clock.” She settled back in the seat and fell asleep, only to be wakened by another knock on her window. “Excuse me, ma’am.” It was another jogger. “Do you know what time it is?” Claire was not pleased, but she politely answered, “It’s five past seven.” Mumbling something about why joggers didn’t wear watches, she made a sign: I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS and put it in her window. A few minutes later, she was awakened yet again, by still another jogger. “I just wanted to tell you, it’s seven fifteen.”

Marriage Counseling

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Marriage Counseling Mark and Marcy came to Dr. Will the Motorcycling Marriage Counselor. Dr. Will asked, “What seems to be the problem?” Marcy launched into the problems that had arisen during a fifteen-year marriage: “He doesn’t care about me. I think he’s seeing someone else. I feel lonely and unlovable because he never shows me any affection….” And the list went on and on and on. Dr. Will finally walked around his desk, asked Marcy to stand, and kissed her long and strong. Marcy sat down in a daze and said no more. Dr. Will turned to Mark. “Your wife needs that at least three times a week.” Mark said, “Well, I can drop her off on Monday and Friday, but I’ve got bowling league on Wednesdays.”

Joe looks like he had a rough night.

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor A Hangover Rider Mark watched his roommate and fellow motorcycle enthusiast Joe stumble from his bedroom to the kitchen and fumble for a cup of coffee. “Hey, dude, you look like you had a bad night.” “I did,” Joe replied. After pool league we had a few and then I got into my car. The steering wheel, the pedals, the dashboard—all gone—stolen.” “What did you do?” “I called the cops, man.” “What did they say?” “They told me I was in the back seat—and I’d better take a cab home.”

Moses Talks to Calvin

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Calvin the Thief Talks to Moses While Maurice the motorcycle enthusiast was out riding one evening, Calvin the thief broke into his home. The thief was unplugging the television set when he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” He jumped up and stared into the nearly dark room. “Who said that? Who’s here?” he asked. When there was no answer, he turned back to the TV. “Jesus is watching you." “Who is that?” Calvin shined his flashlight around the room and finally spied a parrot. “Did you speak?” he asked. “Jesus is watching you,” said the parrot. “Hey, that’s pretty good,” Calvin said. “What’s your name?” “My name is Moses,” said the parrot. “Moses! What sort of person would name a parrot Moses?” “The kind who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

Carol Ann Talks to God

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Carol Ann Talks to God Carol Ann, a female motorcycle enthusiast in her fifties, had a heart attack. She walked through a long tunnel toward the light. But before she reached the brilliance at the end of the tunnel, she heard the voice of God, “You must go back.” Carol Ann asked the Lord, “You mean my time isn’t up?” “No, daughter, you have another thirty-seven years, two weeks, three days, and five hours left to live.” When she awoke, Carol Ann had a vivid memory of her near-death experience. She thought, “I’ve got years to live, roads to ride, people to meet. And I’m gonna do it lookin’ good!” So she had liposuction and a tummy tuck and a facelift, too. She looked years younger when she left the hospital. Riding her motorcycle home, though, she was hit by a truck. Once again she was in the tunnel of light, but this time no voice told her to go back. When she met God at the end of the tunnel, she said, “Hey, God, I thought you said I had more than thirty more years to live and here I am dead. How come you didn’t save me from that truck?” “Sorry, Carol Ann, I didn’t recognize you.”

Marty and Marge at Daytona Bike Week

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Marty and Marge Go To Daytona Bike Week. Marty and Marge took their teenagers to Daytona for bike week. They camped in two tents at the Daytona Speedway. (When you have teenagers, you take advantage of every freebie you can!) One night Marge said she’d like to go with some women friends to see the movie at Hold Fast Tattoo. Marty said, “Sure, hon. Some of the guys rented a limo and they’re going bar hopping. If you don’t mind, I’ll tag along for a while.” Marge thought that was fine, and they went off with their separate groups. Marty, who was never a big drinker, came back much the worse for wear. He woke, however, to find a cup of coffee and a couple aspirins next to his pillow. Fresh clothes were laid out for him. And when he stepped out of the tent he found a bacon-and-eggs breakfast ready for him. “What happened? What did I do?” he asked son Marvin. “You didn’t get home till two this morning. You fell down hit your head on the fire ring. Then you threw up on the way to your tent. Mom had to undress you.” “Oh my gosh! Why is she being so nice to me?” “Because when she was trying to get your pants off, you tried to fight her away and you shouted, ‘Get away from me, miss. I’m a happily married man!’”

A St. Patty's Day Proposal

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor A Proposal In Honor of St. Patrick’s Day On March 17, Brendan O’Malley, a motorcycle enthusiast, took his girlfriend, Brigid O’Connor to dinner and then on a romantic ride into the hills outside the town. He pulled into a scenic overlook, and they walked together to the edge. “Brigid, will you marry me?” Brendan said as he pulled out a ring with a huge sparkling stone. “To be sure, I will,” she answered. After some kissing and canoodling, Brendan took Brigid home. She waved her finger under her dad’s nose. “Look what Brendan gave me. We’re getting married.” Her dad, who was a jeweler, took one look and shook his head. “Ah, Brigid, it’s just like I’ve been telling you. The lad’s no good. Not only does he ride that darn motorcycle, but that stone’s a fake.” “Oh, Brendan. A fake ring! How could you?” “That stone is in honor of St. Patrick’s Day,” said Brendan. “It’s a sham rock.”

Father Tim Loves Golf and Motorcycles

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Father Tim's Big Lie Besides his faith, Father Tim had two great loves, motorcycling and golf. He spent all day one spring Saturday getting his bike road-ready. Sunday dawned another beautiful, cloudless day and Father Tim’s thoughts turned to golf. He imagined riding in the cool breeze, feeling the fresh air, and then eighteen holes on a faraway course. His mind was made up. “Father Joe,” he said, “I think I have a touch of the flu this morning. Could you take my Mass for me?” “Sure. Get some rest and you’ll feel better,” answered Father Joe. As soon as Father Joe left the rectory, Father Tim had put on his leathers and was on his motorcycle with his golf clubs stowed on the back, headed out of town. St. Patrick and the Lord were looking down from Heaven. “Lord, he’s lied and he missed saying Mass on Sunday. Aren’t you at least going to see to it that he gets a little road rash.” The Lord just smiled. Father Tim rode for most of the morning until he found a golf course where no one could possibly identify him. As he teed up, St. Patrick asked, “How about a little rain and thunder and lightning to keep him off the course and send him a warning?” The Lord just smiled. The third hole was a long, straight shot over a water hazard. St. Patrick said, “I see. You’re going to put him in the wet.” The Lord just smiled. Father Tim hit the ball hard and well. It hit the green and rolled slowly, slowly toward the pin. A hole in one! St. Patrick said, “Aren’t you going to punish that wicked priest at all, then? Instead you reward him with a four-hundred yard hole in one.” The Lord just smiled and asked, “Who’s he going to tell?”

Rambo The Rider

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Rambo Needs More Space Mary Thorn is a Floridian who loves motorcycling with her pet, Rambo. She’s been doing it for eleven years now, since the animal was rescued from the closet where it spent its first four years. Because of that abuse, Rambo is very sensitive to the sun. Rambo seems to enjoy being dressed in various costumes, riding with Mary, and visiting schoolkids to teach them about his kind. However, according to the Florida DNR, at 125 pounds and six feet Rambo needs more space, and Mary has to find him a new home. Anyone ready for an indoor-living, motorcycle-riding crocodile?

Gloria Gets a Makeover

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Gloria Wants a Makeover Gloria was in her sixties, and she’d been a motorcycle enthusiast for over thirty years. She had tuned up her motorcycle for spring, checked all her riding gear and bought a new helmet, and she was ready for a little makeover herself. It took a few hours, but she found a picture of a hairdo she liked in a fashion magazine. She took the picture with her to the salon. “Here,” she said to the stylist. “This is what I want to look like.” The stylist looked from the picture to Gloria’s thinning gray hair. After a long pause, he motioned to the chair. “Please be seated, madam.” Gloria settled into the chair. The stylist hummed to himself as he began to clip and shape. Gloria was contented as could be until she recognized the song he was humming. It was the theme from Mission Impossible.

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