Motorcycle Humor & Jokes | Laugh with Eagle Leather

Rabbi Sam Rosenblum

Jun 27, 2020 Mike Toursal

Rabbi Sam Rosenblum was a motorcycle enthusiast. After he got his new cooling gear at Eagle Leather, he rode south, through Mexico, past the Panama Canal, into the Amazon jungle. There he found a remote tribe called the Trids. The Trids were a friendly people and, by some miracle, spoke English. While the Trids prepared a welcoming feast, Rabbi Rosenblum caught sight of a distant mountain. Instead of coming to a peak, the mountain seemed to be sliced off, leaving a huge mesa. “What’s up there?” he asked one of the Trid elders. “We don’t know. Every time one of us goes up there, he or she gets kicked off by a giant just as soon as they get near the top.” Of course, the next morning found Sam hacking through the jungle, toiling up the mountainside, up and up, until finally he found himself on the mesa. He beheld the most lovely garden, like a new Eden, with every kind of fruit tree and all the good-tasting vegetables. And a giant! The giant looked ferocious and he was at least twelve feet tall. But cool-headed Sam stood his ground. “Hello, giant. Why haven’t you tried to kick me off your mesa?” he asked. “Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids.”

"Cleaning House"

Mar 13, 2020 Mike Toursal

Since a big sale with lots of clearance items is one way of “cleaning house” at a store, we thought we’d share some tips about when any motorcycle enthusiast should think about cleaning: If you stepped on something and leaped about in pain until you hit a magazine, slid, and fell—it’s time. If you need a gas mask when you open the refrigerator door—it’s time. If it takes more than twenty minutes to find your kids so you can shake them awake—it’s time. If your daughter’s science project is in the refrigerator, and she can’t find it—it’s time.

Some laws are just plain silly:

Mar 5, 2020 Mike Toursal

JOKE Some laws are just plain silly: In Chico, CA, you can be fined up to $500.00 for building, maintaining, or using a nuclear weapon within city limits. In Connecticut, pickles must bounce when dropped from the height of one foot. Cannibalism is illegal in Idaho if it is not consensual. Public officials and attorneys in Kentucky must swear that they’ve never been in a duel or acted as a second in one. Stealing crawfish can land you in prison for up to ten years in Louisiana, if you steal over $1500.00 worth. In Rockville, Maryland, it’s a misdemeanor to swear or curse on any street or road. In New Hampshire it’s illegal to collect seaweed on the beach at night. And here in Washington State, it’s illegal to poach a sasquatch in Whatcom and Skamania counties.

Martha's Divorce.

Feb 28, 2020 Mike Toursal

This is a paraphrase of one of Zig Ziglar’s jokes. Martha rode her motorcycle to an attorney’s office. Once in his office, she states, “I want to divorce my husband.” “Okay,” says James, the attorney. “Do you have any grounds?” “Yes, we have five acres in the country.” “I mean, do you have a grudge?” Martha answers, “Well, no, but we do have a carport and a storage shed.” James is clearly frustrated by that response. “Let me rephrase. Do you have any complaints about your husband? For instance, does he beat you up?” “No, I’m up at least an hour before he is every day, including Sunday.” Getting nowhere fast, James tries an entirely new tack. “Let’s consider your role in the breakdown of the marriage. Do you ever wake up grouchy?” “Oh, my, no! When he’s in a bad mood, I just let him sleep.” Totally exasperated, James asks, “Just tell me exactly why you want a divorce.” Martha replies, “That guy just can’t communicate.”

Long Winded Congressman

Jan 8, 2020 Mike Toursal

The motorcycle club was interested in legal issues that were being debated in the state legislature. They invited their local representative to speak about the status and prospects of the bills in question and reserved the back room at the tavern where the club regularly met. Congressman Whatsis took his place at the microphone. He launched into a well-honed speech. After listening to him drone on for ten minutes, Mike and Lily snuck out of the meeting room and went to the bar. They were just sipping their second beer when Al emerged from the back and ordered a beer. “What’s he talking about now?” Mike asked. Al answered, “I don’t know. He’s still introducing himself.”

A Salty Driver

Dec 26, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor What is legal to chuck out of your truck? Morty the motorcycle enthusiast was at his job, driving a truck. He stopped at a red light. A driver in a red car pulled up next to him and hollered, “You’re losing some of your load.” Morty ignored the comment and drove on when the light went green. In a few blocks, he was again stopped at a red light and the same car came alongside. “You’re losing some of your load,” the driver yelled. He ignored the comment and kept on going when the light changed. Sure enough, just a few blocks later, here came the red car. “You’re losing some of your load.” Morty was out of patience. He yelled back, “Look, it’s snowing, and I’m driving a salt truck.”

Scrooge!

Dec 12, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor A Charitable Lawyer? Keep Looking! Marty learned about the plight of homeless veterans when he went on the John P Scapes Memorial Toy Run and saw the items being collected. He offered to help a local charity collect funds to make sure all veterans had stable housing. The charity had been in business many years, though this was a relatively new project for them. The director gave Marty a list of businesspeople who had never donated to the charity and suggested he try them first. Perhaps this new initiative would be something they would support. Marty started with the lawyer at the top of the list. According to the charity’s record, he made hundreds of thousands a year. Marty said, “I’m calling with an opportunity for you to give back to the community. Your donation…” The lawyer interrupted, “My mother is dying after a long and painful illness. Her medical bills, even after insurance, are many times her annual income.” Marty was taken aback. “Uh, no, I didn’t.” “Well then, did you know that my own brother is disabled, blind and in a wheelchair.” Marty began to stammer an apology, but the lawyer was still talking. “My sister’s husband died in a car accident and left her without a dime and with three children to raise.” Marty said, “I am so sorry…” The lawyer cut him off, saying, “I don’t give money to any of them, so why would I give it to you?”

Problems At The Pearly Gates

Nov 26, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little HumorA Christmas Carol?Three motorcycle enthusiasts wound up at the Pearly Gates at the same time. “It’s the Christmas season,” said St. Peter. “To get into Heaven, each of you must be carrying some object related to Christmas to prove to me you celebrate the holiday.”Jerry stepped up. He reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a lighter. “This represents candles and the lights of the season.”“Go in,” said St. Peter.Elaine walked up to St. Peter and shook her keys. “Listen. Don’t they sound like bells, the bells of Christmas.”“Good,” said St. Peter. “You may enter.”John strolled up and pulled a pair of sunglasses from his jacket pocket.“What do those glasses have to do with Christmas,” St. Peter asked.“They’re Carol’s.”

Turkey Farm To Table

Nov 21, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little HumorThe Fresher The Better?Jim, the motorcycle enthusiast swears this story is true (even though Snopes says it dates back as far as 1880).His neighbor, Alicia, was somehow convinced that the fresher the turkey the better, and no already-killed turkey from the supermarket would do for her family. No, she needed a really fresh bird, and that meant a live one. So she located a turkey farm and bought a nice fat tom. She kept it in a pen in the backyard for the few days remaining until Thanksgiving Day.Early in the morning of the big day, Alicia went out to kill the turkey. She had an axe, but she couldn’t bear to look it in the eye and kill it. But she was an anesthetist and she happened to have chloroform on hand. She used it to put the turkey to sleep. She carried it into the house and began the tedious task of plucking the feathers.She was pretty well finishing plucking when the turkey woke up.Jim says he could hear her shouting and ran to help.“And there she was, being chased around the kitchen by an angry, naked turkey.”

An Athletic Animal

Nov 15, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little HumorHow Does A Turkey Stay Safe in November?The Seahawks had just finished their practice one day in September when a big tom turkey strutted onto the field. He walked right up to Pete Carroll and asked politely for a tryout.“I play tight end,” said the turkey.Coach Carroll looked at the players, but they were as amazed as he was. He nodded and motioned to Russell Wilson to throw some passes. Lo and behold, the turkey caught pass after pass, including some of Wilson’s longest and hardest throws. He ran right through the linemen and eluded tackles again and again.Coach Carroll was duly impressed. “You’re great! Sign up, and you’ll get a huge bonus.”“Never mind the bonus,” the turkey responded. “What I need to be sure about is, does your season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

Safety Tips

A Rabbit Gets Sassy

Oct 30, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor The Unruly Rabbit Last Tuesday a rabbit walked into the Eagle Leather store. Nothing fazes Damien, who asked the rabbit, “How may I help you, sir?” The rabbit answered, “I’d like a BLT with coleslaw and no fries.” “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have that here.” “Then I’ll just have a house salad, I guess.” Damien remained polite. “Sir, we don’t have that. Can I help you with something else?” “Well, for heaven’s sake. Just bring me a bowl of vegetable soup.” This was too much even for patient Damien. “Sir, we don’t sell food. We sell motorcycle gear, just like the sign says.” “Hey, if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu.”

Sweet like...

Aug 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor DMV Revenge Disclaimer: Nothing like this would happen in our state, where DMV employees are unfailingly courteous and there’s hardly any waiting for service. Louisa needed to renew her driving license with the motorcycle endorsement. She brought all the required documents. But, after taking a number—82, when the current number was 16—she waited and she waited and she waited. Just as number 81 was called, the clerks all but one put up those little signs, “Gone to Lunch.” Louisa was a patient woman, so she definitely was not muttering curses—of course not! When she finally got the counter, the clerk was clearly hungry and impatient at being the one employee left behind to deal with irritated customers. He treated Louisa as if she was a child; he talked loudly and slowly and repeated requests in a snippy voice. That ordeal over, Louisa went to buy a baseball bat for her grandson. “Cash or charge?” asked the clerk. Louisa snapped, “Cash!” And then she was immediately apologetic. “Sorry! I’m still so irritated at the DMV. It took hours of waiting, and then the clerk was rude. But I shouldn’t take out my frustration on you.” The clerk smiled and asked, “Should I gift-wrap this, or will you be going back to the DMV?”

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