Motorcycle Humor & Jokes | Laugh with Eagle Leather

Respectfully Yours

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Mr. Manners Joe and Larry rode their motorcycles to their favorite oyster-gathering spot, which happened to be not far from a bridge. They waded through the gumbo to a well-known oyster reef, and, as they were harvesting the succulent shellfish, a funeral procession crossed the bridge. Joe stopped picking oysters and doffed his cap. He stood at attention until the procession was out of sight. Larry said, “I didn’t know you were so polite, to stop what you’re doing for a funeral.” Joe responded, “It seemed like the right thing to do. After all, we were married for over thirty years.”

A Girl's Best Friend

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Bling Ring Marty was a silver-haired biker with a ZZ-Top-style beard. Late one Friday evening, he walked into an upscale jewelry shop with a blonde bombshell on his arm. “I’m looking for a diamond ring for my sweetie,” Marty said. The jeweler had seen enough eccentric millionaires. He wasn’t put off by the leathers or the beard. He pulled out a tray of lovely rings. “These are in the three- to five-thousand-dollar range,” he said. “Oh, no sir! I want to see something much bigger than that.” The blonde looked at Marty adoringly. The jeweler pulled out a tray from another part of the counter. “Here are some in the ten- to fifteen-thousand-dollar range.” The young lady was nearly dancing on her toes. Marty said, “Bigger.” The jeweler went into the back room and came back with a single ring on a velvet pillow. It was a glittering diamond solitaire. “This is the biggest stone we have. The ring costs fifty thousand dollars.” “Okay,” says Marty, with the woman clinging to him like a limpet on a rock. “I’ll write you a check. Monday morning you take the check to my bank and cash it. Monday afternoon, I’ll come in and pick up the ring.” The jeweler agreed. But when Marty came back on Monday afternoon, the jeweler said, “I went to the bank, but you don’t have nearly enough in your account to cover this.” “I know. But can you imagine what a weekend I had?”

Mind Your Manners

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor A Problematic Picnic Gerald, Chloe, and Sam decided to take a long lunch so they could ride their motorcycles to the lake for a picnic. It took an hour to get to the picnic spot overlooking a pristine mountain lake. They unpacked their carryalls. “I’ve got ham and cheese sandwiches,” Chloe said. “I’ve got chocolate chip cookies and apples for dessert,” said Gerald. “I’ve got three bottles of soda pop,” Sam asserted. “Bottles?” asked Chloe. “Where’s the bottle opener?” “Oh, no! I forgot it,” said Sam. Gerald told him, “You’ll have to go back for it.” “You guys will eat all the food if I do that.” Chloe said, “No, we won’t. We won’t touch a thing until you get back.” “Can I trust you not to eat before then?” Gerald and Chloe promised. So Sam left. An hour went by and Gerald’s stomach was rumbling. After another hour, Chloe said, “I’m really getting hungry.” Gerald said, “We’re going to miss the whole afternoon at work and they’ll dock our paychecks.” “Maybe we should just eat and leave. We should run into Sam on the way back, so we can give him his lunch then.” Sam popped out from where he’d hidden behind the trees. “I knew I couldn’t trust you. Just for that, I’m not going.”

A Fashion Faux Pas?

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor A Sassy Pastor One crisp fall morning the doors opened on the posh church just as the service was about to begin. In walked Jerry, an old biker. He and his clothing were clean and well-groomed, but he wore ancient jeans, and his leather jacket and boots were old and scuffed. The men in their Armani suits and Rolex watches turned up their noses. The women in silk frocks and diamond tennis bracelets glanced at him, then looked away. No one greeted him; no one made room for him in their pew. After the service, Pastor Stephen accosted Jerry. “Before you come back here, I want you to ask God what kind of attire you should wear to services at our church.” Jerry assured the pastor that he would do that. Next Sunday Jerry came to the church in the same old jeans and scruffy leather jacket and boots. Again, he was shunned. Pastor Stephen spoke harshly to Jerry after the service. “I thought I told you to ask God what you should be wearing to come to this church.” Jerry answered, “Well, Pastor, I did just that. And God said He had no idea what I should wear because He’s never been inside this church.”

A Dark Decision

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Fall Foolishness Jerry loved his motorcycle, but he was just about two cards short of a full deck. Life was being unkind, as it sometimes is, and Jerry decided to end it all. He would hang himself by the prettiest maple in the park. A few hours later, Tim was riding his motorcycle along the trail enjoying the fall foliage and spotted Jerry hanging from the tree. “What are you doing,” Tim asked. “I’m hanging myself.” “You need to put the rope around your neck, not around your waist.” “I tried that, but I couldn’t breathe.”

A Near-Death Experience

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor A Road Survivor Andy was riding his motorcycle down a country road when a sparrow flew directly in front of him. Andy swerved, but could not avoid hitting the bird. When he looked in his rearview mirror, he could see the sparrow in the road. It looked so pitiful that he went back to see if it was still alive. It was breathing, but unconscious. He couldn’t leave it there to be eaten by predators or run over by another vehicle. He picked it up and took it home and put it in an old bird cage, hoping it would recover. Sure enough, the next morning the sparrow woke up. He looked around at the bars on the cage and said, “Holy moly, I must have killed that biker!”

A Wish Not Wasted

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor The Best Loop Hole Louie was motorcycling through Carpadillia when he collided with another motorcycle. He wasn’t hurt, but the other rider was bleeding badly. Louis rigged up a tourniquet and used his first aid training to keep the man alive until the ambulance came. Since the accident was Louie’s fault, he was hauled before the judge, who ruled, “You are guilty of gross negligence resulting in a near-fatal accident. According to Carpadillian law, you must be executed. However, you did save the victim’s life. For that reason, I will allow you three wishes. You may wish for anything except the reversal of your sentence. After you’ve fulfilled the last wish, you must face the firing squad. Now, what is your first wish.” “I want to ski in the Great Carp Mountains.” “But it’s summer; there’s no snow to ski on.” “I can wait,” said Louie. So six months later, the police took Louie to the Great Carp Mountains, where he spend a lovely day on some of the best ski slopes in the world. The next day, though, he faced the judge again. “What is your second wish.” “I wish to swim in the Lake of the Clouds.” “It’s winter now. The Lake of the Clouds is frozen over.” “I can wait,” said Louie. In due time, summer came. The police took Louie to the Lake of the Clouds, and he enjoyed swimming in the clear, reflecting water. And then he had to face the judge for the last time. “What is your third wish.” “My third and dearest wish, your honor, is to be buried next to you.” “But I’m not dead.” “I can wait,” said Louie.

A Fashionable Family

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Those Purple Cowhide Pants Loretta had an exceptionally fine piece of purple-dyed cowhide that she wanted to use for motorcycle pants and a jacket. She rode her motorcycle to Ralph the tailor, who examined the leather and sighed. “Sorry, maam,” he said. “This is one of the finest hides I’ve ever seen, but you’ve got enough leather for either the jacket or the pants, not both.” Loretta decided to try the tailor next door, whose name was Leonard. He told her, “Fine, fine. This is the kind of leather you don’t see every day, that’s for sure. My son Herbie and I will take some measurements and I’ll have your pants and jacket ready in a week.” A week later, Loretta rode up to the shop in time to see Herbie walk into the store wearing purple leather motorcycle pants. She knew something was going on and asked Leonard, “How come Ralph the tailor said he couldn’t get both a jacket and pants out of my piece of leather and you said you could?” Leonard answered, “That’s easy. Ralph has two sons.”

A Neighborly Excuse

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Give an inch... Clarence came up to Al, who was working on his motorcycle. “Hey, Al,” he said. “Can I borrow your tire pump?” “No, sorry, I’m going to bake bread.” “What kind of excuse is that? You don’t need a tire pump to bake bread.” “No, but since you haven’t bothered to return my socket set or my Allen wrench or my battery charger, I figure any excuse is good enough.”

The Lost Drone Motorcycle

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor A Close Call Marilou was flying her drone motorcycle over Seattle when her navigation and communication systems shorted out. Because of clouds and haze, she couldn’t see where she was in order to land at the downtown drone-port. She saw a tall building, flew toward it, made a hand-written sign, and held it over her head. The sign read: WHERE AM I? The folks in the building were quick to respond. They soon held up a sign: YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER. Marilou smiled and waved. She glanced at her map and set course for the drone-port. When she told her co-workers what had happened. One of them asked, “How did the YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER sign help you realize where you were?” “Easy,” answered Marilou. “They gave me an answer that was technically right, but of no use whatsoever. It had to be the Microsoft building.”

A Message from FROLIC

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Must-Read Memo TO: All Eagle Leather staff FROM: M. Toursal Effective at once, all employees must follow these guidelines to comply with FROLIC (Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council). Do not run aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel. Do not file replenishment orders under “Bah, humbug.” Do not use company vehicles to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house; they are for official business only. Do not bring fruitcake to work; we try to maintain a non-toxic atmosphere. Do not ask to have eggnog in the vending machines. Thank you. Happy Holidays to you and yours! Mike

Unpopular Opinion

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor It's The Small Things Tom, Denis, and Larry, all motorcycle enthusiasts, were debating which modern invention was most amazing. Tom lead off: “I think it’s the GPS system. It’s given us much better maps, and all we have to do is tell it where we want to go and we get complete directions.” Denis disagreed, “Well, it works most of the time, but a couple of times, if I’d followed the GPS instructions, I’d have ridden right into the ocean. No, I think the cell phone is the most amazing invention. It’s changed our lives to a fantastic extent. Do you ever see phone booths anymore? Heck, even the plots of mystery novels have to change drastically—no more cutting the telephone lines to isolate the victim.” Larry piped up. “Neither of you have got the right end of the stick. I think the thermos is the most amazing invention of our time.” “Why?” asked Tom. “It doesn’t even have an on-off switch.” “Just think about it. It keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold.” “So what?” asked Denis. “How does it know which is which?”

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