Motorcycle Humor & Jokes | Laugh with Eagle Leather

Matt and The Three-Legged Chicken

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Matt and The Three-Legged Chicken Matt was riding his motorcycle on a lonely road when he noticed a chicken running beside him. He was going fifty miles an hour and so was the chicken! “Holy cow,” Matt thought. “I wonder how fast that bird can go.” So he speeded up to sixty on the next straightaway. The chicken kept up and then put on a burst of speed and passed him by. As the chicken pulled ahead, Matt could see that the bird had three legs. “I’ve got to get to the bottom of this,” he thought and speeded up to follow the chicken. He tailed it to a dirt road, where the chicken disappeared in a cloud of dust. More slowly, Matt followed. At the end of the road was a farm. As Matt pulled into the driveway, he noticed that all the chickens on the farm had three legs. He asked the farmer about it. The farmer said, “Yeah, I was trying to solve a problem. You know, everybody wants a leg when you fry chicken, so I kept at until I bred a three-legged chicken. My birds are the biggest innovation in chickens ever and they’re gonna me rich. Matt asked, “How do they taste?” “I don’t know. We haven’t caught one yet.”

Pete Makes A Spooky Discovery

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor An Eerie Phenomenon at Beethoven's Grave Pete went to Vienna to study music at the Vienna Conservatoire. One spring day, he took his motorcycle to the Zentralfriedhof, or Central Cemetery, to visit the graves of famous musicians who were buried there. As he walks through Gate 2 he hears music. When he comes to the cluster of musician’s graves, he finds the tall headstone of Ludwig von Beethoven and it dawns on him—it’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, but it’s being played backwards! Spooked, he hurries out of the cemetery. He has to tell someone, and that someone is his roommate, another student at the Vienna Conservatoire, Jeff. Jeff is totally not believing this story, so the two of them hop on Pete’s motorcycle and head back to the cemetery. When they get to Beethoven’s grave, they hear music, but it’s Beethoven’s Seventh Symphony. And, just as before the piece is being played backward. “Holy Ludwig!” Jeff exclaimed. “We’ve got to tell Professor Schnittlinie about this.” The Professor is skeptical, but the young men are earnest and insistent. Finally he agrees to hop on his motorcycle and meet them at Gate 2 of the cemetery. He doesn’t even have to visit the grave itself to notice that the Fifth Symphony is playing—backward. “Guys,” he tells Pete and Jeff, “you were right. That music is a symphony by Beethoven being played backward. And Pete first heard the Ninth Symphony, and the two of you together heard the Seventh Symphony, and now we’re hearing the Fifth Symphony. Clearly the pieces are being played in the reverse of the order in which they were played. But, I confess, beyond that I have no idea what is going on. The next day word has spread among the students at the Vienna Conservatoire and a large group has gathered around Beethoven’s grave, where his Second Symphony is playing backward. One of the caretakers of the Zentralfriedhof, Emil, walks up to the group. Pete is there and seizes at the possibility of an explanation for the eerie phenomenon. He asks Emil the caretaker, “What’s going on? Do you hear that music?” Emil answers, “Oh, never mind that. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

If They’re Free, I’ll Take Two!

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor I'll Have Another One! This one is true. When the writer of the newsletter for a certain motorcycle gear store went off to college many years ago, she needed a nail to hang a picture in her dorm room. She hotfooted it to the nearest hardware store, found the size of nail that looked right, and asked the clerk, “How much are these?” He answered, “They are three-fifty a pound.” “But I only need one.” “Oh, in that case, you might as well just take one.” “If they’re free, I’ll take two—in case the first one bends.”

Warren Won't Go to Bed

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor “Daddy, I’m thirsty!” Al sent his son Warren off to bed and then went to the attached garage to winterize his motorcycle. Before long, Warren yelled from his bedroom. “Daddy, I’m thirsty.” “You should have thought of that before you went to bed. Now, turn off your light and go to sleep.” Not ten minutes later, Al heard, “Daddy, I’m really thirsty. Please bring me a glass of water.” “I told you already. No. And if I hear another peep out of you, I’ll come in there and spank you.” All too soon, Al could hear, “Daadeee!” “What do you want now?” Al answered. “When you come to spank me, will you bring me a glass of water?”

Calvin and The Genie

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Calvin's Wish Came True Calvin the motorcycle enthusiast was walking along the beach one morning. He spotted a bottle. It was decorated in what seemed to be gold wire strung with jewels. He picked it up and opened it. Purple smoke rose from the neck of the bottle, and Calvin dropped it and jumped back. A beautiful genie appeared and said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m the genie from the bottle. I won’t harm you.” Calvin heaved a sigh of relief and asked, “Do I get three wishes?” “Oh, sorry. We’ve had to make cutbacks. You get just one wish.” Calvin pondered: wealth, health, a killer bike? Finally he answered, “I want all the women to love me.” The genie turned him into a delicious chocolate truffle.

Arnie and His Fear of Tunnels

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Arnie Gets a Strange Diagnostic Arnie was buying a motorcycle. He told Sam the dealer, “I want a bike I can use to commute to my job. I’d like to take the surface streets and avoid the tunnel on the freeway. And a motorcycle will be just as economical as my carpool.” “You’re giving up carpooling to ride a motorcycle to work?” “Yeah,” Arnie said. “I can handle the backseat driving, Phil’s cologne, and Harry’s once-a-month bathing. I don’t mind the traffic or the bridges. I can even take it when the freeway becomes a parking lot during rush hour. But I am stressed out by the tunnel.” Sam asked, “Do you have claustrophobia?” “No, I don’t. I actually went to the company doc. I told him that I get woozy and anxious when I go into a tunnel. The doc didn’t have to check my heart or anything. He told me he knew what was wrong with me. I asked him, ‘Doc, am I going nuts?’ and he replied, ‘No, Arnie. What you’ve got is Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.’”

Three Drunk Riders

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Don't Drink and Ride Strange (and often bad) things happen when you drink and ride. Al, who hailed from Texas, and Bernie, who came from California, and Max, who lived in Nevada, met at Sturgis and went for a ride in the Black Hills. About mid-morning they stopped at an overlook and took pictures of the view. Al pulled out a bottle of Cuervo from his saddlebag and took a sip. He passed the bottle around, but there was still a lot of tequila left in it when he pulled out a gun and then threw the bottle into the air and shot it to pieces. Bernie hollered, “What did you do that for? You wasted good liquor.” Al answered, “In Texas there’s plenty of liquor and bottles are cheap.” At lunch, Bernie took out a bottle of Pinot Noir. He took a sip, but didn’t pass the bottle around. Instead, he drew his gun, tossed the bottle in the air, and shot it. Max asked him, “You just threw away a lot of good wine.” Bernie answered, “In California, we have plenty of wine and bottles are cheap.” When they stopped for a mid-afternoon break, Max pulled out a bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. He took a pull and passed it around. When the bottle came back to him, he chugged the rest, slid the empty bottle back into his saddlebag, drew his gun, and shot the Californian. Al jumped! “What the heck did you do that for?” “In Nevada we’ve got plenty of Californians and bottles are a nickel apiece.”

Marty Goes to a Barbershop

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Marty and The Social Barber Marty parked his motorcycle at the curb and went into the barbershop. He was the only customer, and the barber (who shall remain nameless) asked him to sit right down. “Just in for a touchup trim,” Marty told him. “Okay,” said the barber. “Here’s a photo of my breakfast today. I like the random arrangement of the strawberry slices over the corn flakes, don’t you?” Marty was surprised, but he agreed. The barber launched on an account of his aching knee, his semi-delinquent son, his daughter’s marital woes, his wife’s diet. He went on to talk about his grandkids first steps, first tricycle rides, and first days of school—all with pictures. Marty tried to pretend he was interested. He asked Marty for pictures of his family and Marty obliged, reluctantly. The barber was careful to tell Marty that he liked each of the photos. Marty was quite puzzled by the time he got the pictures back in his wallet. Then the barber got personal and told Marty about his favorite movie, scene by scene, and his most-watched TV show, starting with the first episode. Marty squirmed in his chair and wondered how his hair looked right now. When he started talking about his childhood traumas and fear of the dark, Marty had heard enough. “Hey,” he said. “Why are you telling me all this?” “I don’t use Twitter or Facebook, but I try to apply the same principles in my barbershop.” “How’s that working out for you?” “Well, maybe not so well as far as customers go, but a couple of policemen follow me into work and home again each night. I’ve had calls from a social worker and a shrink, and an FBI agent just sent me a letter.”

Robbie and The Russian Watch

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Robbie Goes to Moscow Robbie went to Moscow to purchase Russian motorcycles of World War II vintage. He was impatiently waiting for his taxi when he saw a fellow walking slowly, weighed down by two heavy suitcases. Robbie asked, “Do you speak English? Do you know what time it is?” “Da, yes, I speak English.” The Russian answered. “The time is 5:35 and 15 seconds. The date is June 15, the moon is full and the sunset will be at 9:16. Robbie was amazed! “Is that a high-tech Japanese watch?” “No, it’s a Russian watch. It’s a product of superior Russian technology.” “Well, I think it’s terrific! My hat’s off to Russian technology.” “Da,” says the Russian, as he struggles to pick up the suitcases, “but these batteries are a bit heavy.”

Bertrand the Motorcycle Artist

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Bertrand The Artist Finally Gets Recognition Bertrand is an artist who paints landscapes that include motorcycles. It’s been a while since he got a check from Imagined Images, so he goes to asks Markus, the owner what’s up. Well, my friend,” answers the gallery owner, “you have been in a bit of a slump. But I have good news and maybe-not-so-good news.” “Tell me the good news!” “Just this morning a man came in and asked if the value of your paintings would go up if you died. I told him that an artist’s paintings almost always increase in value after the artist dies. After all, the law of supply and demand works in the world of art as it does everywhere else. “Yes, yes, but then what happened?” “He bought all eighteen of your paintings—every single one I had on hand.” “But that’s wonderful! What’s the maybe-not-so-good news?” “He was your doctor.”

Grandma Wilson Makes Her Will

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Cal Gets a Special Gift from Grandma Grandma Wilson was dying. She called her grandchildren to her bedside. They all filed into her hospital room except Cal, who was busy updating his Facebook page. “Come closer, Robin,” she said. When he approached her bed, she told him, “I’m leaving you my motorcycles and all my gear.” She told Jerry she was leaving him her house and furniture. Martha got her stock portfolio. “Where’s Cal?” Grandma asked. “He’s in the hall, updating his Facebook page.” “Well, get him in here.” When Cal came in, Grandma said, “I’m leaving you my farm. That includes the livestock, the tractor, the harvest, and $3,768,422.38.” Cal was startled. “Grandma, I never knew you had a farm. Where is it?” “On Facebook.”

Jerry Falls for Angeline

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor A Three-Word Wish Angeline was enjoying a cool brew at the end of a long motorcycle ride in her favorite tavern. In walked Jerry, dressed to the nines. He was tall, dark, and handsome, and then-some. Angeline couldn’t take her eyes from his muscular shoulders. The stranger must have been interested in Angeline, because he stared right back at her long blonde hair and shapely figure. He got his fancy cocktail (wouldn’t you know) and walked over to her. “I’ll to anything you want, Gorgeous, but on just one condition.” Angeline looked him up and down in appraisal. Finally, she nodded. “What is this one condition,” she asked. “Tell me your wish in just three little words.” Angeline looked at him from her long-lashed blue eyes and said, “Clean my house."

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