Motorcycle Humor & Jokes | Laugh with Eagle Leather

Death By Guillotine

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Death By Guillotine A chef, a soldier, and a motorcycle mechanic were all sentenced to die by guillotine. The chef, following instructions, placed his head in the hole and awaited his fate. Swoosh came down the blade—and stopped just inches above the chef’s head. The executioner proclaimed, “By the law of the land, if the guillotine fails, you have faced death and are now forever free.” The soldier, following orders, walked up to the guillotine and placed her head in the hole. Again the blade made its deadly descent—and stopped just inches above the soldier’s head. Again, the executioner announced, “By the law of the land, if the guillotine fails, you have faced death and are now forever free.” The motorcycle mechanic strolled up to the guillotine, put his head in the hole, looked up and said, “Oh, I see what the problem is…”

Patrick Orders a Model

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor The Beautiful Model Patrick and Sean are both motorcycle enthusiasts. At the barbershop one day, Patrick picks up a catalog for motorcycle gear. Patrick says to his buddy Sean, “Have you seen the beautiful girls in this mail-order catalog?” Sean takes a look and agrees. “Wow! They are gorgeous. And just look at the prices!” Patrick says, “Yeah! I’m doing it! I’m going to order one.” “Well now, you go ahead and if she’s as beautiful as she looks in the catalog, I’ll get one myself.” The pair run into each other again about three weeks later. Sean asks, “Did you ever get your girl from that catalog?” “Not yet, but she must be on her way. Her brand new leather jacket came yesterday.”

Albert Talks to Satan

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Albert Waits in Line for Judgement Albert was a motorcycle enthusiast with a big bump of curiosity. After a long and happy life, filled with many rides and a host of friends, Al died. He found himself at the tail end of a long, long line of souls waiting for judgment. The line moved quickly, and before long Al saw that, up at the head of the line, some souls were sent right through the Pearly Gates into Heaven. He could hear the harps whenever the Gates opened. But other souls were sent over to Satan. The Prince of Darkness would through the wailing souls into a lake of fire. And, every once in a while, Satan would toss one to the side. Al tried to figure out why some souls were thrown right into Hell and others were put aside. It couldn’t be gender, because both men and women were tossed in and both men and women were tossed aside. Race? Same thing. What could it be? Al couldn’t help it. He had to know. He walked right up to Satan and asked, “Your Evilness, I’m in line waiting for judgment and I saw you throw many people into your lake of fire. But every so often you toss someone aside, and I wondered why.” Satan barked out an evil laugh and said, “I have to let them dry out so they’ll burn. They’re from the Pacific Northwest."

Gary's Speeding Ticket

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Gary and the Patrolman Gary had a brand new Harley and he was putting it through its paces on the freeway when he heard the dread sound of a siren behind him. “I can outrun him,” Gary thinks and speeds up. He’s going ninety, a hundred, a hundred ten and the flashing red lights are just behind him. He realizes what he’s doing—how unsafe he is—and pulls over. The highway patrolman walks up and asks for his license. When he comes back after checking Gary’s license and registration, he tells Gary, “Look, you were speeding, right? But you look like an okay guy and you have no prior offenses. It’s the end of my shift, and I don’t need any more paperwork. So, if you can give me an excuse I haven’t heard before, I’ll let you off with a verbal warning.” Gary says, “I bought this Harley to celebrate my divorce. My wife ran away with a highway patrolman. When I heard your siren, I thought you were that guy trying to give her back.”

Ralph Gets Caught Speeding

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Clarence Catches Ralph Speeding Clarence the police officer found the perfect spot where he could wait for speeders without being seen. On the first day he tried it out, there was very little traffic—and not one speeder—until Ralph came flying along on his motorcycle. He was going a good fifteen miles over the limit. Clarence hit the siren, and Ralph pulled over right away. “Hah! Gotcha!” Clarence gloated. “I’ve been waiting for you all day.” “I know, sir. And I got here as fast as I could.” Clarence laughed so hard he let Ralph go on his way with just a warning.

Stuntmen Jokes

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor How Many Stuntmen Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb? Carl was new to the movie stuntman business. The folks who’d be doing the motorcycle stunts for the new CHiPS movie were gathered at the snack table on the set. Carl joined them. Matt was just finishing an anecdote. “So I climb thirty feet up to the top of diving board. I look down and there’s maybe a foot of water in the pool. So I yell, ‘Why isn’t there more water in the pool?’ And you know what the director said? ‘Well, we don’t want you to drown.’ Heck, I got right back down that ladder.” Mortimer said, “Yeah. Directors are something else. You heard the one about how many directors it takes to change a light bulb? Just one, but he’ll do it over and over thirty times or so and then everyone will tell him his last light bulb change was much better.” Carl piped up, “How many stuntmen does it take to change a light bulb?” He ignored the glares coming his way and blundered on. “Five. One to change the bulb and four to tell him how great he looked doing it.” Nobody laughed.

Marty and The Tacks Evasion

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Tacks Evasion Marty was riding his motorcycle to work very early in the morning. As he cruised along on the nearly deserted freeway, a box fell from the truck in front of him. With quick reflexes he zigged into the adjoining lane. And then he heard the siren. “Why are you pulling me over?” Marty asked. “You were swerving all over the road.” “I was just trying to avoid that box.” “What box?” “That one down there. It fell off a truck right into my path.” The trooper checked for traffic and then walked back to the box. He opened it and found that it held upholstery tacks. He walked back to Marty and said, “Well, it’s a good thing you swerved, but I’ve got to write you up for a different offense.” “What?” “Tacks evasion.”

Jake Goes Deer Hunting

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Jake Follows the Tracks Alvin and Marty were motorcycle mechanics. They went on a hunting trip with Jake, a salesman who worked at the same dealership. The first day, Alvin went out early in the morning and came back at lunchtime with a nice buck. “Wow!” exclaimed Jake. “How did you get such a big buck the first day?” Alvin answered, “Well, Jake, it was easy. I looked for the tracks, found them, followed them, and shot the deer.” The next day Marty took his turn to stalk a deer. He came back that afternoon with an eight-pointer. Jake was amazed. “How did you do that? Did you use a blind?” “Naw, man. I hunted around for the tracks, followed those tracks, and shot the deer.” Jake went out the next day. It was getting late, and Jake wasn’t back yet, so Alvin and Mary went looking for him. They found him at the foot of a ravine next to the railroad trestle. He was scratched up and dirty and couldn’t walk on his ankle. “What happened to you?” the mechanics chorused. “I looked for the tracks. I found the tracks. I was following the tracks when I heard a noise. I looked and was able to jump just before the train would have hit me.

Charlie and The Twins

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Charlie Gets Creative Clara was pregnant when she got into a motorcycle accident and was seriously injured. In fact, she laid unconscious in a coma for over six months. When she woke, the first thing she asked about was her baby. “Don’t fret,” the nurse told her. “You had twins. We delivered them by Caesarean section just a few days ago, and they are both healthy and well.” Clara was still worried. “My husband is on duty in Afghanistan. Who is taking care of my babies?” “Don’t worry. They were just a little underweight, so we kept them in the nursery. Your brother came down from Seattle and told us what names to give them.” “Oh, no! Charlie is such an idiot! What did he name them?” “Please, Clara, you’ve got to calm yourself. He named the girl Denise.” Clara took a deep breath. “Denise. That’s actually pretty. I like it. What did he name the boy?” “Denephew.”

Alligator Shoes

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Trudy and The Alligator Hunt Trudy rode her motorcycle all the way to Louisiana hoping to get a real bargain in motorcycle boots. (You’re right. Trudy is a sweetheart, but she’s not the brightest candle in the wind.) Once there, she was surprised to find the prices were still very high—and the shoe shops didn’t allow haggling. At Shoes by Alphonse, she ran out of patience and shouted, “I’ve got my rifle. Maybe I should just get me an alligator so I can get shoes at a reasonable price.” When Alphonse stopped laughing, he said, “Give it a try. Maybe you’ll get lucky.” But he was thinking, “More likely, you’ll get eaten.” As luck (and the plot of the joke) would have it, on the way home, Alphonse spotted Trudy. She was standing waist deep in the waters of a bayou. An alligator swam slowly toward her. Trudy lifted her rifle, took aim, and shot. She killed the alligator. Alphonse was tempted to lend a hand when she struggled to get the alligator to shore. But he resisted the temptation; he wasn’t about to assist in a violation of the Louisiana game laws. Eventually Trudy got the alligator to shore. That’s when Alphonse noticed the pile of gators already on the bank, all dead. Trudy hauled the latest dead reptile to the pile and flipped it over to see its feet. “Darn it,” Trudy said. “This one hasn’t got shoes on either.”

Danny the Mechanic

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor Danny Takes the Easy Way Out A few years ago, Danny, Leon, and Martin all applied for an Inspector job at the motorcycle factory. In an ordinary year, Danny, who was a motorcycle enthusiast and mechanic, would have been the only applicant and he was well-qualified for the job. But this was during the Great Recession. Leon was a physicist who had lost his research grant, and Martin was an aeronautical engineer who’d been laid off. The personnel manager had three good candidates. He told them, “Come back tomorrow. Tell me the height of the building, and whoever gets closest gets the job. Leon climbed onto the roof with iron balls and dropped them. He measured the time it took each one to fall, took the average, and then calculated the height of the factory. Martin used a sextant and a yardstick to get an angle and then used trigonometry to find the height of the building. But Danny was nowhere to be seen. The next day all three applicants stood before the personnel manager. “Leon,” the manager said, “how tall is this factory?” “70 feet, 6.7 inches.” “Martin, it’s your turn.” “70 feet, 4.2 inches.” “Okay, Danny,” said the manager, “what did you find?” “70 feet, 7.2 inches,” said Danny. “That’s smack dab right on the button. How did you measure it?” “I went to maintenance and looked up the height in the building records.” He got the job.

Memory Is Important!

Feb 10, 2019 Eagle Leather

A Little Humor The Importance of Memory Mark and Maisie were getting on in years and getting more forgetful. They asked their doctor what to do about their loss of memory. “Write things down,” the doctor said. “That’s all you need for now.” They rode their motorcycles home that warm summer day. When they got there, Maisie said, “I wish I had a bowl of that vanilla ice cream in the freezer.” “Sit down, dear,” Mark said. “I’ll get it for you.” “Do you think you should write it down like the doctor said?” “For Heaven’s sake! I can certainly remember a bowl of ice cream.” “Could you put some chocolate sauce on it?” “Sure. And I don’t need to write that down either.” “And how about a squirt of Reddi-Whip?” “No problem.” Maisie asked, “Are you sure you can remember all that without writing it down?” “Vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream. Easy peasy. I don’t need to write that down.” Mark was in the kitchen for what seemed like a very long time. Then he came out and gave Maisie a plate of scrambled eggs and ham. Maisie looked at the plate for a long time, looked up at Mike, and then asked, “Where’s the toast?”

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